Pinch me

It feels like a dream.

The conversation I never thought I would have.

The response I never dared to hope for.

I told my mother that I knew who my biological father was, and she hugged me. I'm still in shock. I was expecting an attempt at denial at least, and instead I got an apology. It feels like a whole new chapter of my life is just beginning - one where I have a relationship with a parent. Until now it has felt as though every conversation we have ever had was avoiding the issue. That there was no way of talking about anything without feeling the presence of the elephant in the room. Now that elephant has been acknowledged and we can start to relate to each other as real people.

I'm torn between being excited about it, and being terrified it was all a mirage - that things will go back to how they were before. Her habit of denial is a thoroughly ingrained one that I am not sure she will be able to let go of.