The thing that has been worrying me (well, bothering me really) since the meeting is the difference in our feelings for one another. He feels fondly towards me, having known me since I was a baby, and - more to the point - having suspected I was his child. It is easy for him to show affection - hold my hand, hug, kiss.
The emotions I have for him are so much more complicated. They are laced with a heavy dose of 'but you are the man who was inappropriately shagging my mother', as well as 'what the hell were you doing at my house all the time, when my own dad wasn't even there?'. It isn't so easy to transform these into positives, as much as he might wish it; hell, as much as I might wish it. It would be lovely to have a father that was warm and demonstrative - goodness knows the other one isn't. The problem is that I think it is just a little bit too late for all that. Like 35 years too late.
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