What to do when you have changed but they have not

I have come to realise that what I really want is for my husband to get some therapy. Somewhere he can talk about whatever he likes without fear of the consequences. Somewhere he can get things off his chest without aiming them directly at me. Somewhere he can learn a whole new and previously unexplored vocabulary of emotion.

We have had a lot of conversations recently - more than we ever had before. More open and honest. During one of these I told him that the only thing I want him to do to demonstrate his support of my illness is for him to go to a counsellor. That's all. He said he would - amazing. Without even that much of a fuss.

Then of course, over the next few days came the conditions, the qualifications, the excuses. Culminating in last night when we talked about it YET AGAIN.

First he said 'but I thought I was just going to come to your sessions'. Then he said 'but I am so busy I'm not going to have time to find someone'. Next 'I only said I would go once, anyway'. Finally 'what will you do if I don't sort it out in time?'

Fortunately there was nothing sharp within reach.

I have extracted the following commitments from him:

1. To find a counsellor by himself
2. To do it within 2 weeks from yesterday (and I won't ask him about it until then)
3. To actually commit to the process and go for at least 3 months
4. To shut the fuck up

OK, that last one was a bit of a lie, but we can dream.

I even managed to remain totally calm and rational throughout. I am very impressed with myself.